The Adderall Diaries: Week Nine

My brief hiatus begins! Ta ta for now!

Welcome to the Adderall Diaries, a real-time record of my journey detoxing from 20 years of stimulants and managing work (and more importantly, life) without them.

Guys, I have a confession: I’m kind of lost track of the weeks here. Is this my ninth week? Or was last week my ninth week? Whatever, it doesn’t really matter.

Last week was, in a word, miserable. It felt like I was eternally living in the first five minutes after waking up—groggy, desperate to go back to sleep, stuck in a haze of clouds. I felt inept and exhausted and useless and totally unmotivated. I made a list of potential reasons: I was a week away from my period, my enemies had placed a hex on me, maybe the decades-long reserve of Adderall in my bloodstream was finally drying up, and so on. My therapist proved each one wrong, though she did say there could be some credence to the pre-period thing. Or, she said, maybe it’s just a bad week.

But that would be the worst possible reason. Some weeks, at the whim of my well-documented shoddy mental health, I just won’t be able to function? That seems unfair. On the flip side, this week has been much better—perhaps even great! Sometimes life is just weird.

We head to Thailand on Monday for our honeymoon, and I am just over-the-moon excited. We’re trying to take the whole two weeks off of any real work so I will be MIA for a bit. Until then you can find me on Instagram and TikTok, where I’ll likely be posting updates from abroad (unless I forget or don’t feel like it). I’m so excited to have two weeks where my lack of Adderall just doesn’t matter. What a dream!

I hope to come back wiser and refreshed and two inches taller (a girl can dream).

Bye for now! X